


night | phan

by PhanTrashAlex



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Anorexia, Bullying, Depression, Falling In Love, Feels, First Day, Fluff, Hospital, Hospitalization, M/M, New School, Self Harm, Trust, Trust Issues, chapters, fluffmaybe, suicidal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-03-01 09:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13292247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhanTrashAlex/pseuds/PhanTrashAlex
Summary: there's things about people that we think we know, but we don't.sometimes it's better to stay hidden then be dead.but sometimes you want to let that one person in, but you can't because they'll rip you to shreds.sometimes..it's better to die than liveor that's what you think..





	1. Chapter 1

Today was Dan's first day at a new school. Something that he didn't really want to do, but because of the constant bullying at his old school, it was something that had to be done.

When the alarm went off, he hardly woke up before realising that it is his first day at school. When we got woken up, he showered and fished through his drawers and found a long sleeved band shirt. No matter how hot it was going to be, he was going to wear it.

He checked the time, and headed off knowing that he would probably be late if he didn't. He put in his headphones and started walking. Something about walking alone was calming, but also put a lot more stress on him at the same time.

Walking alone consisted of him overthinking life, and not knowing how to deal with it. But walking alone also provided time that he didn't have to spend with backstabbers, or possibly people that would harass him if they found out anything.

This is why Dan really didn't want to move schools. He was going to be greeted by new people, and new ways for him to get bullied. The only reason he went to school is so his parents wouldn't get into trouble. But sometimes he wouldn't mind that if it took away the daily pain of having to get out of bed and deal with the world around him.

When he got to school, he waited a bit before going in. When he went in, he was greeted by the principle. He got told that he was going to be paired up with someone to show him around the school. That was the moment that he knew that he was going to probably die.

The first day and he is already having to pair up with someone, and socialise. Two things that he really didn't like doing. He honestly would much rather find his way around himself, but he knew there was no getting out of it, since it seemed like it was something that they do a lot.

When he saw who that he was paired up with, he kind of wanted to go back home and forget anything had happened. He knew that this was probably someone who was really popular at the school. But he didn't ask anything about that, since he knew that would probably really rude.

"Daniel, this is Philip. He is going to be showing you around the school. If you have any questions you can ask him. He has agreed to help you and you both have similar classes." he said.

Phil had blue eyes and black hair, he was about Dan's height, he was wearing a black leather jacket, with some black jeans.

It was one thing having to be shown around, but another when you have the same classes with the person. Now he really wished the stayed home so that he wouldn't have to deal with meeting this person.

"uh, you can call me Dan, thanks." he said sheepishly, not really wanting to talk to anyone. But he knew that he was going to have to because it was school. 

The principle sent them on their way, which Dan really didn't like. He knew that he was going to have to somehow socialise, which is something that he really didn't want to do.

"So..I'm Phil. You will be seeing me a lot I'm assuming. Uh, I will show you around a bit and we can go to class.." he laughed slightly. 

"Okay..I'm Dan. Do whatever you have to.." he shyly responded.

Dan followed Phil around, listened to what he had to say. They went to class about thirty minutes later. 

The classroom was about average size. 30 students at most, an older teacher, and no one really looked like they cared about anything they were saying.

When Phil walked in with Dan he got a few looks saying 'wtf are you doing with this idiot'. Dan got told where to sit, and that is where he sat.

-

It was lunch time, one of the most dreaded times of Dan's life. He's always hated it..the school food..the people. Mainly the people. Since they got told they can do whatever they wanted as long as they went back to the school on time, Dan went to the park that was about five minutes away. He knew his way there and back, so off he went.

The walk to the park was somewhat relaxing, but the walk back was more stressful because he knew that he was going to have to go back to class as soon as he got there. That was something that he didn't want to do because it was hell.

He got glares and weird looks. He knew from the start that he wasn't going to like it here, but after everyone was basically threatening him with their eyes, he really didn't want to be there.

When he got there, he was instantly greeted by Phil when he got back. He was asked where he went, and he told the truth, that he had just went to the park.

Phil looked at him like there was something wrong. Which there kind of was, Phil was the popular one, Dan was the outcast. Phil was beautiful, Dan wasn't. Phil was outgoing, Dan was shy. Phil was full of life, and Dan well wanted death.

So he didn't know why he was still talking to him. Was there something wrong? Or was he just there because he was asked to, but he really didn't give a single fuck about Dan to begin with and he is just going to fuck him over in the future because he is popular and he can ruin him instantly.

Those were the thoughts that went on in Dan's head, because he knew not to trust anyone. Not even the boy who was really pretty and who could easily kick his ass at any moment. 

When they went back in, classes were starting and Phil made Dan walk with him so he didn't seem alone.

After they got inside Phil immediately walked to his seat and started talking to the people there. Dan was assuming his friends. But when he got pointed at, he knew they were probably talking about him. 

Dan got seated, in the back away from everyone thankfully. But what he really wanted to do was go home right about now, and just forget everything. 

-

When the school bell finally rang Dan darted for the door, not wanting Phil to notice him and talk to him. He knew that Phil probably hated him, but he didn't want to say anything to him so that he didn't have to know.

Don't trust anyone. That repeated itself in the back of Dan's head, he knew that he couldn't trust anyone so he really didn't know why he tried. Sometimes he knew that it was plain stupid of him to do so, but other times he knew that it was the best choice and he wouldn't get hurt that way. 

-

When he gets home he is greeted with silence. Something that he was used to by now, and knew that he would be greeted with everytime that he came home for the rest of his school life. His parents? They didn't give a single fuck about him.

After putting his stuff away in his room, he opens his laptop and goes on tumblr for a few minutes. After he gets finished on tumblr, he puts his laptop away and starts walking to the park.

The park was a place that he went when he needed to get things off of his mind. He had been going there since grade five, and it was a place that he didn't want to stop going to for a long time. It held so many memories that he knew, and it was a place that was apart of his childhood.

Not that he really had a childhood because his parents were never home, and when they were they were normally drunk. But he knew that they really didn't care, and maybe it was a good thing.

They didn't really care so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted and they wouldn't say anything to him. He could go out in the freezing cold and they wouldn't say anything. But most importantly, when he needed to go to the hospital he couldn't because they didn't give a fuck.

When he got to he park, he saw someone that he wasn't expecting to see there..


	2. Chapter 2

He saw someone at the park that he wasn't expecting to see. Phil Lester, the kid that he had been trying to avoid all day. The kid that had to show him around at school.

He walked over to the swings, avoiding Phil at all cost. Dan knew that if he saw him that he would question him, or even worse try and start another conversation with him. Two of the things that he didn't want to deal with right now. Two of the things that kept him inside most of the time.

But, unfortunately Phil did eventually notice that Dan was there. He looked over to the swings and saw him swinging with his headphones in. But he really didn't want to bother the younger boy. He just wanted to watch him swing and nothing else.

Dan noticed that Phil was staring at him and slowed down. He knew that he was going to have to face Phil sometime. He also knew that if he avoided Phil that he wouldn't have to deal with conversation.

Phil walked over to Dan and sat in the swing beside him. He looked at Dan and tried to start a conversation, starting more with "Hi, where did you go earlier?" and Dan just sat in silence. He didn't want Phil to know that he darted away from him, because it would seem rude. Mainly with it is first day in a new place. But he also didn't want Phil to try and gain his trust, because that was one of the things that built up over time, but broke so face.

"Sorry, I had to get home. Mum was waiting for me." the boy said. Trying to think of an excuse that sounded right. That was the only excuse that he could think of in the short amount of time that he had to think of something. 

The excuse though, wasn't true. If his mum was waiting for him that would be more surprising than seeing Phil here. If his parents were actually home, sober, and cared. That would be way more surprising than seeing someone try and gain his trust.

His broken trust, something that people have tried for years to gain, but no one had ever accomplished that. They all gave up on him, and those who he gave into used that against him as blackmail. He knew that it was something that he couldn't escape. Something that would be the death of him, gaining his trust.

It's better to not trust anyone, because you don't have to worry about them using your trust against you.

"Oh, okay. I wondered why you darted out of the classroom so fast." Phil said, not actually knowing the real reason Dan left.

"I want to get to know you. Why you came to this place to begin with. Why you are so shy." Phil eventually said. But little did he know, he wouldn't be getting much out of Dan. 

Dan was a person that kept to himself. He didn't say anything to anyone. He honestly didn't want to talk to Phil. But he knew if he talked a little bit that he wouldn't have to worry about being bothered by him again.

But the main thing that he knew was, not to actually open up and express his feelings. He knew the dangers of that, and he knew how unsafe that was. For him mainly, because those around him? They wouldn't give a fuck.

They talked back and forth for about an hour, before Phil got up to leave. 

"It was nice talking to you." he smiled. "If you need anything at school, I will help. See you tomorrow, Dan."

Thankfully, Phil left. The thing that Dan didn't want to admit, was that he was kind of sad that he left. 

Dan stayed at the park for a few more hours. It was starting to get dark, so he headed home. The walk was long and quiet, just like it normally is. The silence kills, and also can heal. But the night will swallow him whole.

When he gets home, he finds something to cook and starts cooking. Making food was a skill that Dan learned when he was about eight or nine. Something that has defiantly improved over time. But could be better. When the food was done, he went to his room and ate in silence.

After he was finished eating, he took the trash back down stairs and washed up getting ready for another day at hell. He knew that he wouldn't be getting sleep for a few more hours anyway because the night was the time where his demons came out.

When he got finished, he went back up stairs and got back on tumblr. A place where he felt like he could be himself. He looked a pictures, and videos. Reblogging some of them as well. He wanted to be someone on there, but he knew he wouldn't ever be.

He also knew that he was more of a someone on there than he was in real life to the people around him. He would be glad when he got to move out, got to run away, and never had to see anyone that he knew again. Start fresh, make new friends, and have a way to actually live.

It was about two in the morning before Dan finally decided to go to sleep. Knowing that he wasn't going to make it through the next day without any sleep. He also knew that if he just got it over with he would come home and do the same thing once more. 

Go through tumblr, go to the park, come home, eat, go back on the internet, and sleep. That was his daily routine. Since, as mentioned before, he doesn't have any friends.

The reason to it, is he has majour trust issues. He is more than likely depressed, but doesn't want to admit it. Probably anorexic, wouldn't admit it, and over all not mentally healthy. But that, he wouldn't admit either.

Just taking a look at the boy wouldn't tell you anything, you would have to get him to crack and tell you something before you would actually know what was going inside of his mind.

You had to gain his trust before any of that happened. 

Trust is better off not being given out to someone, because it lowers the chances of you getting hurt. But it also lowers the chances of getting better.

-

It was the next day, and Dan already wasn't ready for it. Doing the same thing as he did before. Getting ready, showering, and leaving.

When he got to school, he met some people that he was expecting to meet on his first day, but now it was time all hell broke lose.


	3. t h r e e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the one standing back watching? Phil lester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this contains mentions of anorexia, self harm, and suicide.

He got pushed a bit, words thrown like they were nothing. But Dan was sadly used to all of this, so he just pushed pass them. The one thing that he was kind of sad about, was that Phil didn't do anything to stop them.

They were probably his friends, Dan thought to himself. Phil was pretty well known not only around the school, but around the town as well. But, why would Phil try to befriend him and than just blow him off like that when he needed help?

Dan knew that stuff like that was going to happen not only because it was high school, but because he wore black, and painted his nails.

-

Lunch came around and he went to the park, like he did before. He didn't really want anything to eat, because after the harassment and the bullying went on he really didn't have that much of an appetite. Sometimes, he just wouldn't eat at all. It never really bothered anyone, so everything was okay.

At the park he thought about everything that had happened. It was something that he had prepared for, but not something that he thought would go on with Phil around. But he remembered, Phil is the popular one and Dan is the outcast. 

Everything has happened so quickly, he moved to this school to escape the bullies, to start a new life. But, when they're everywhere, you just about can't escape them.

-

When Dan was walking back to the school, he debated on walking home. He was so done with the world's bull shit. The way that everyone had treated him, and the fact that no one gave a fuck about him.

But, he decided to go back to school. To finish out the day with those around him. To learn absolutely nothing because the teachers can't get the class to calm down. To regret everything in his life, because there is nothing that he can do about what is going on.

He got back to the school just in time for the bell to ring. He put his phone away, and walked to class. The classroom was empty, just starting to fill with students coming from lunch.

It was social studies class, one of his favourites. One of the ones that he feels like he can connect with in some way, one that he will probably never use again. But the teacher he had was pretty tame, and made the class quiet enough to feel safe in the learning environment.

-

When school was over, he walked home by himself. This was something that he was used to, he never had a friend since he was a kid that would walk with him, and listen to his problems. But as a kid you don't have that many problems.

He got home, put his stuff down and laid on his bed. He wanted to scream, but the silence over took him. He wanted someone to listen, but no one cared. 

These thoughts that he was having, wasn't normal. The thoughts that joined him while he was in bed, the same ones that were there with him at school everyday.

He wanted to know why everyone hated him, was it because he was different? Was it because he wore nail polish and black clothing?

-  
There was a knock. Something that was really uncommon, mainly for him. He got up and went to see who it was.

It was Phil, someone that he really didn't want to see after what had happened this morning.

But how did he get Dan's address?

"Um, What do you want?" Dan asked, seeming pretty annoyed."

"Hi, uh, Dan? I wanted to come and say that I'm sorry..." Phil said sounding concerned. "I wanted to say what I did was really bad and you probably hate me now, but that's okay because I deserve it. I can leave you alone or whatever, also I saw you walking home and that's why I know where you live..." 

Was he really apologising? After everything that has went on today, the fact that he didn't try and check in on Dan once. It made Dan really upset, to think that he cares but is probably just saying that to get to Dan and use him.

"Okay, whatever..." Dan said back, looking at him in a way saying 'please leave..'

Dan knew people more than they thought he did, this is why he never trusted anyone. They  would find a way to harm him, whether it was physically, mentally, or a lot of times emotionally. 

"I will see you at school tomorrow, Dan." Phil smiled at Dan and walked away.

There was something that Dan didn't want to tell Phil, and that was that he probably wasn't going to be at school. He didn't want to deal with anyone anymore, and he knew that if he went there was going to be shit going around.

He wrote a note to his parents, if they ever came home of course. Saying that he was going to the hospital, and not to give a single fuck if he's not there when or if they ever get back.

The note said: ' _hi, mom. i know that this is probably fucked up in your opinion, if you ever read this of course, i might actually be out by the time that you even fucking come home. i'm going to the hospital, i need help mentally dealing with the fucked up world so i don't actually kill myself. -Dan_ '

Something that he was telling himself, was that this is the best option. Another thing that he was telling himself, is that he probably should go ahead and kill himself and get it over with because no one would care if he was gone anyway. Everyone would just ignore it, like nothing happened, or like it was just another death. The reason being, no one actually gave a single fuck that Dan was on this earth, everyone either acted like it or was really genuine about it and tried to fucking kill him.

He left the note on the kitchen counter, and left. He made sure to lock the door, but get his key. Grab his phone, even though he didn't have friends. He also made sure to enjoy the walk there, because this was a walk that he would never get back. A walk that depended on his life, and a walk that no one else would know about.

The walk was long, it took about an hour to get to the hospital, and when he did he was greated by a nurse. She had mid length brown hair, and blue eyes. 

"Hi, is there something that we could help you with today?" she asks. 

Everything, Dan thought, but what he said was "Uh, yeah is there any way that you treat suicidal people here, if not is there a way that i could get help without having to go very far because i have no way other than walking..."

She looked at him, he knew that she was thinking, he also knew that this was a fucking stupid idea and he should just leave.

"Yes, there is a unit in the hospital where we could help for a few days, just sign this forum." She smiled at him, and gave him the forum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is also written on my wattpad.  
> @ alexthephantrashcan  
> tumblr:  
> @ phanfictrashalex 
> 
> have a nice day xx


	4. Chapter 4

**_"Yes, there is a unit in the hospital where we could help for a few days, just sign this forum." She smiled at him, and gave him the forum._ **

He took the forum, and took a seat. He knew he was going to be there for a little bit, as he didn't know some of this. But, some of it they didn't really need anyway.

When he got the forum filled out to the best of his ability, the lady took it and told him to have a seat. He sat, and waited for what felt like years. The silence of the hospital made everything come back to his memory, this was something that he really hadn't thought much of since he left his house.

-

Phil noticed that Dan wasn't at school, he knew that this was his fault, and that it was something that he was going to have to fix. He knew where he lived, but he didn't want another bad incounter with him.

After school, and a lot of debating with his mind, he finally decided to go to his house. What he wasn't expecting, was Dan's mom to come to the door. She looked confused, and somewhat sad.

"Who are you?" She asked, sounding confused.

"Hi, I'm Phil. Is Dan here?" he asked nervously.

"No, he left this note, saying that he went to hospital." she said, with a hint of sadness.

"Okay, can I see the note please?"

"of course!" she said back, getting the note and handing it to Phil.

After reading the note, he realised that Dan was going through a lot more than what he first thought. He knew there was something behind his smile, and the fact that he really didn't want to be at the school in the first place.

He also realised that he actually does have majour trust issues, and doesn't open up to people easily. But, he knew that he was going to have to go and visit Dan at one point in time.

"thank you, Mrs. Howell." Phil said back, handing the note back to her. "I must be on my way now!"

"No problem, Phil. If I hear anything from Dan I will let you know!"

He knew convincing his mom to let him stay home from school to go and see Dan was going to be difficult, but he also knew that if she knew what state that he was in, that she'd let him go.  
-

When he got home, his mom was home waiting for him to get home before they went out to get dinner.  
"Hey, mom? Can I ask you something." he said sounding scared.  
"Of course, sweety, what do you need." she gave a reassuring smile back to Phil.  
"Can I miss school tomorrow to go and see my friend at hospital?" Phil knew his mother, and knowing that if it wasn't for a good reason that he wouldn't be able to miss.  
"It depends, what are they in hospital for?"  
"Depression, suicide, that stuff. But it's my fault and I feel like I should be the one to go and see him, because his mom doesn't look like she cared at all."  
"Okay, but that's all you're doing, right? Nothing else, just going to hospital to see your friend?" his mom asked, wanting reassurance.  
"Yes, mom, it's not like I do drugs or anything." he said chuckling a bit.  
-  
He finally got called back to a room..the doctors came in, asked a bunch of questions, and waited for a few hours. Different doctors came in and asked him the same questions.  
When the last doctor left, he told Dan that he needed to get sleep. But, how was he supposed to sleep knowing that everyone here probably doesn't care, and they don't look like they want to be there anyway.

He finally fell asleep at midnight, knowing that he was going to have a long day ahead of him tomorrow.

When he was woken up by doctors coming in, he saw that it was 9. He hadn't slept that long in a while, something that he didn't get when he was going to school was sleep.

"Hey, Dan? There's someone here wanting to speak to you." someone finally came in and told him.  
He looked up at them, confused, but not really surprised. It was probably his mother or someone coming in to make sure everything was alright, and when he got out they wouldn't speak to him again in three months.

When he got out of his room, to see that Phil was the one there he instantly regretted coming out. He saw, what he thought to be Phil's mom, sitting beside him.

When Phil noticed Dan was standing staring at him, he got up and hugged him. He knew that he had done wrong, but he never knew that it would come to this. Standing in the middle of hospital, waiting for Dan to say something to him, but also wanting to say something to Dan. Maybe an apology would be nice, but how was he supposed to know what to say.

"Hey, I'm really sorry for what happened. I don't want anything to happen to you, okay? That's why I came up here to see you. I care, Dan." Phil said, looking like he was on the edge of crying.

Dan could either take the apology and move on, or he couldn't take it and ignore Phil.  
Dan being the person that he was, took it, because he didn't want Phil to fully think that it was his fault, because in reality all of it wasn't.

"Is this your mom?" Dan finally asked, curious as to what he would say.  
When he asked that, she perked up. "Yes, I'm his mom." she said with a warm smile.  
It seemed to Dan that they had a better relationship than he and his mom did. At least she was there for Phil, and knew what Phil wanted and needed. His mom didn't even care to call and check in on him every once and a while.  
"okay, hi, I'm Dan. Nice to meet you." He said giving a smile back to her.  
After they talked for a few hours, visiting time was over. They couldn't stay any longer and Phil had to leave.  
Something that Dan was starting to question, was his feelings for this person. But, he knew that it would take a bit longer, and a few more backstabbings for him to let go of his feelings and move on. But, there was just something.

As he was walking back to his room, one of his doctors stopped him, and told him that he was going to have to go to therapy now. Something that he knew he was going to hate, because he's always hated opening up about his feelings. Even if they can't say shit about you to other people, he knew that they were probably secretly judging him or something.  
When he got finished with therapy, he went back to his room and just waited. He waited for food, and after that he waited for more insturctions as to what was going to happen.  
When it became time for him to go to bed, he didn't sleep much that night, thinking about the person that said that they cared for him, but is probably lying about it. Also thinking of the person who let their friends harass Dan, but also was cute. Dan didn't really know his emotions at that point in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so wattpad isn't working, therefore it's in a different format :P  
> if you're enjoying this kudos would be nice! (:


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil only wanted him to know that he cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR HOMOPHOBIC SLURS AND HOMOPHOBIA. IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU IN ANYWAY PLEASE DO NOT READ. -Alex

Dan didn’t really like spending time in the hospital, and wanted it to be over as soon as possible. He didn’t really want to go back to school and have to face the people there. He knew that this was a side effect of his trust being destroyed once more, by Phil.

Dan spent a week in the hospital. After he had went through all of that week, he really didn’t want to ever go back. He still thought about what Phil said,that he cared. He tried to visit him whenever he could, since he still had school to attend.

He wished that he could speak more to Dan in that time. After everything that had happened the week before, Phil was trying to gain Dan’s trust back. 

He knew it had been his fault, but didn’t expect this to happen as a result of it. He knew after it had been done that he fucked up.

He was slowly falling for the younger of the two, and he knew that Dan had some kind of thought process through it all. He could see the way that he looked at him, and even though it could possibly be in a platonic way, he still had a chance of it not being that way.

He knew that if it was platonic that he was crushing on someone who didn't have a crush on him back, and that thought scared him. He didn't want to be crushing on someone who could easily use his heart.

He liked to seem all though around people, but in reality he wasn't that rude. He didn't even mean to come off that way to Dan. 

-

He remembered when his parents found out that he was bisexual. They were furious, but over time they grew to be able to talk to him about relationships and life in general, realising that they couldn't change him for the world.

When it happened, he wasn't even at his house. He was extremely anxious about telling anyone, and one of his friends that he knew that he could trust was the first person that he told.

She didn't react to it in the way that he wanted her to, in the result of it, he went on a walk to try and clear his mind. He forgot his phone at his house, not thinking to take it with him.

She is one of his friends from school, so she knew where he lived, since she lived on the same street as he did. She became worried about Phil and decided that she was going to go and ask his mother if everything was okay with him, since she knew that he had been stressing in the first place.

When she got there, Phil's mother seemed extremely confused and concerned. That night she accidentally outed him. She was so scared that she didn't realise the words that were coming out of her mouth, could hurt Phil like a dagger to the heart, because he knew that his parents wouldn't be accepting of him.

When he got home that night, he came into arguing between his parents, and he instantly knew that it was about him. He heard the words 'fag' and 'stupid' thrown around like they were nothing. 

When they saw Phil that night, they probably wished that he wasn't their son, and thought that he is an abomination to humanity. They didn't say that though, as they were parents and if they said that they knew that he would leave.

Over the years they've became more and more accepting, Phil had to go to his mother over boy troubles once, and she was there to help him through it. She saw that this was who he is and knew that she couldn't change him, so she didn't try anymore. She saw that her son was finally happy.

-

Phil's mother agreed to take him to get Dan, so he didn't have to walk home. When it became time to pick Dan up, we went.

When we got there, we saw that Dan was just finishing up getting everything ready, and after he saw us he tried to hurry. I knew he didn't want us to wait, but I would wait the world if it meant that I could take to him again.

He finally got everything together after 5 minutes of waiting for them to release him. When we got into the car Phil's mother asked if Dan wanted to come over for dinner. She knew Phil's emotions, because he acted extremely different when it came to Dan.

When he was talking about him, he was a lot more careful with what he said. She knew that he was only falling harder each time that he saw him. She could see it through his eyes, he wanted to treat this boy with the world.

He agreed to going over to their house for dinner, he really wanted to get to know Phil more and if this was the way to do it, he would.

Phil never wanted Dan to trust him again, he knew that he had fucked up and he knew that it was his fault for everything that has happened. He knew that if it wasn't for him being a total douche and talking about Dan behind his back, they wouldn't be in this mess.

He knew that he wanted the younger boy to himself, and didn't want anyone to mess with him. But, he also knew that he couldn't keep Dan safe from everything that life has to give him.

-

When they got to Phil's house, Phil's mom told them that they could go and hangout in Phil's room until dinner was done, and that's what they did. 

"Look, Dan. I know that you probably hate me." Phil sighed, "But I truly am sorry, and I really want to be your friend."

Dan knew that he should be mad at him, everyone else he would've kicked out of his life. But, Phil was someone else. Even if Phil had let everything happen, he still came and made sure that Dan was okay when he was in the hospital.

Dan started crying, he didn't want this to happen, but his anxiety said other wise. He knew that Phil would be extremely worried about him, but he really didn't care at that point. He wanted to be alone, but he also wanted to be cared for.

"Hey, Dan if there's something I said please tell me." Phil said, terrified.

Dan shook his head, it wasn't Phil's fault. It was his emotions that he was having trouble identifying. He knew that he should tell Phil about it, but he really didn't trust him that much yet. Even though he really wanted to.

Phil got Dan calmed down, by bringing him into a hug and whispering small things to him, like "everything will be okay." "it will get better." He knew that it was something that Dan needed.

By the time that dinner was ready, Dan was half asleep. He knew that he was in no shape to go home tonight, but didn't want to ask to stay because he knew that they were probably done with him by now.

When they got down to dinner, everyone was silently eating their meal. They didn't want Dan to feel unwelcome in their house.

After dinner, they went back up stairs and Phil noticed how tired that Dan was.

"Hey, Dan? Do you want to stay with me for tonight? You're not going to be able to go to school tomorrow, and I will stay home with you to make sure that everything is okay." Phil said, slightly smiling at Dan.

Dan slowly nodded, it was something that he was waiting to be asked, but didn't want to ask because he knew that it would probably be counted as rude on his behalf.

Dan slowly fell asleep next to Phil that night, they didn't question anything, even though Phil knew that he was in trouble. He was deeply in love with Dan and his feelings only growing stronger each time that he spoke with him.

His mother came up, and took him out to speak with him before Phil went to sleep. She wanted him to know that she cared for him, and that she was there through everything. She also wanted to make sure that he knew that she wasn't the same person that she was a few years ago. That she was way more accepting of him, and only wanted him to be happy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil's mother came up, and took him out to speak with Phil before he went to sleep. She wanted him to know that she cared for him, and that she was there through everything. She also wanted to make sure that he knew that she wasn't the same person that she was a few years ago. That she was way more accepting of him, and only wanted him to be happy.

Dan woke up in the middle of the night. He knew that he wasn't in the hospital, or his house by the way that the walls were slanted and there were actual windows that he could see out of. Where as, at the hospital, he couldn't see out of them.

He sat up, woke up a little bit more, and actually took note of his surroundings. He knew that he hadn't been kidnapped, by how nice it was. He knew nothing else really had happened besides the fact that he'd been asleep. 

He realised that he was at Phil's house, by the fact that there was a giant lump in the bed, human form and it looked exactly like Phil.

Dan didn't remember anything of the night before, he just knew that he must've gotten to come home or something and must've been extremely tired.

Phil slowly woke up to see that Dan was up and looking around. Great, he thought, he must be confused as to where he's at and thinks he's been kidnapped or something.

Phil didn't want Dan to freak out, so the first thing that he thought to do was to say something, reassure him that everything was okay and they could go back to sleep like nothing happened.

"Hey, Dan? It's me, Phil." Phil started, "I know that you probably didn't want another person in here while you sleep, but you were already asleep and there wasn't really any other option other than the floor. Which, now that I'm thinking about it, probably would've been better because I wouldn't have had to explain myself." Phil sighed.

Dan nodded, "yeah, it's okay. I just didn't know where I was since I wasn't on the hard rock hospital beds, nor was I at my house waking up every hour to the sound of something going on outside."

Phil smiled at him, "I'm glad that everything is okay, and I didn't freak you out too much.. By the way, we're going to keep you out of school for a week, the next two weeks after that will be winter break."

Dan stared at him, "You don't really have to worry about me that much, I'll be okay.."

"Well, you just got out of the hospital, and you don't seem to be doing too good anyway, so we're not going to take chances of sending you back to school." Phil shrugged, "It's no big deal anyway, we're going to let you stay over here until you're okay with going back to your house. We don't want you getting too lonely because that's not good on your mental health either." Phil reassured him.

Dan nodded once more, "Alright, I guess. Let's not get too deep into things before we go back to sleep please." Dan chuckled at that, "Uh, where's the bathroom at?-" Dan hesitated.

"It's the third door on your left," Phil smiled.

When Dan got into the bathroom, he slammed the door shut. He doesn't know what he is going to be able to do. He has to sleep in the same bed, let alone room, as the person who he clearly has a crush on. But, he doesn't want to make it too obvious because he doesn't fully trust him anymore after what happened before.

But, why would someone who didn't give a fuck about Dan try and come and see him every time that they could? That's what confused Dan the most, is he wants to know that Phil cares, but he still can't be too sure that he trusts him.

When he finally got himself together enough to come out of the bathroom, flushing the toilet and washing his hands behind him, trying to make it as clear as possible that he wasn't having a mental breakdown in the bathroom. He went back into Phil's bedroom.

He was tired, just wanted to go back to sleep and let the rest of society fuck off. He was still freaking out slightly about sharing a bed with Phil, but not as much since he got himself together.

When he got back to bed, he laid there for a moment before Phil turned around and looked him dead in the eyes. Not glaring, but more of playful 'I'm sleepy' staring.

"I'm going to sleep," Dan said yawning.

"Okayy, good night," Phil said poking him.

About five minutes past, and Phil looked over at Dan, he didn't want to make anything too awkward because he wouldn't be able to handle that. But, he was an extremely cuddly person and had nothing to cuddle, and Dan was right there. He knew that he should be able to ask his friend something that innocent, but he didn't want to fuck anything up more than it already was.

Dan just looked so innocent, soft, beautiful, and someone that you'd genuinely be able to hug without getting your head popped off of your body from being squeezed so hard.

Phil finally got himself together, and asked. He knew that he would probably regret it, but he wasn't getting anywhere without asking.

"Dan, are you asleep-" Phil asked.

"No, what's wrong?" Dan rolled around to face Phil.

"Oh, nothing. I just can't sleep without cuddling something and there's nothing to cuddle-" Phil said nervously.

"If you want to cuddle with me, I'm down for that. Just let me sleep please." Dan said, smiling at Phil.

Phil took that as his cue and wrapped his arms around Dan's tiny body. He didn't know how he wasn't freezing from being so thin, but he also knew that some people were just different.

"Good night, Dan" Phil said, smiling.

"G'night, Phil" Dan said backing into Phil's warmth.


	7. s e v e n

Dan woke up the next morning with the bed empty. He remembered everything clearly from what happened the night before. When he sat up, he looked around the room a little bit more. He hadn’t done that before he went to sleep the night before, because he was extremely exhausted. The hospital beds felt like rocks under him, and the pillows felt like clouds, his head would go right through them.

The room had bright colours, something that described Phil. He was such a soft person, but always wore something to do with colour, he hardly owned anything black. It made Dan feel like he stood out from him, because he knew he did there was no doubt about it.

Besides that, he had no idea where Phil had went. He knew that last night they were cuddled up next to each other after he had woke up in the middle of the night. He must’ve gotten up before Dan did.

The first place he knew to check was downstairs, because he could’ve gotten hungry waiting for him, or he probably was just making breakfast for the both of them.

When he got down the stairs, he saw Phil making something in the kitchen, it was probably breakfast for the both of them.

When Phil saw Dan, he smiled at him. He said, “do you want anything to eat? I’m making enough for the both of us.” Dan nodded, softly smiling back at Phil. “Mom is out doing work things, she won’t be home until 5 or something. What do you want to do today?” Phil told Dan, unsure about what he wanted to do.

Dan shrugged. He really didn’t care what they did as long as they got out of the house. Yes, he enjoyed staying with Phil, and he was happy that he offered to let him stay with him. But, they didn’t let him go outside for a week, and he hardly remembers what the outside world is like.

“Well, we have a few options. We can stay here, which probably doesn’t sound fun after suffering for a week in the hospital.” Phil shrugged, “we can go to the park, or we can go to the mall, I have a little bit of money that we can spend on clothes.” he smiled at Dan “It’s your pick, today is your day” He only wanted to do what would make Dan happy. Even if it was getting out of the house and going on a walk or something.

“Uh, we can go shopping if that’s okay with you.” He really needed to get new clothes to sleep in, he hadn’t been out clothes shopping in years, and everything that he owns to sleep in is stained really badly. What most people didn’t know is that he liked to sleep in soft things. So something similar to pastels, almost whites. His favourite was a pastel green. No matter how dark and tough that he tries to seem outside of his room, he really wasn’t such a tough or dark person.

“Okay, eat first and then we can get changed and head out.” The mall was only a 5 to 10 minute walk from Phil’s house, so it wasn’t really a big deal for them to walk over there as long as they told his mom where they were going for a little while, so if they are out if she comes home for lunch and they weren’t there, she probably would worry about them as Dan just got out of the hospital not even 24 hours ago.

When they got finish with breakfast, they went upstairs to change into different clothes. Dan had none of his own, other than what he had on. “Do you want to wear some of my clothes?” Dan nodded, “Okay, pick whatever you want to wear, they might be a little big on you since you’re really small.” Phil smiled at him.

Dan got the clothes, and they changed into clothes. The shirt was a bright blue with a pug on it and black skinny jeans.

After they got dressed, they were off to the mall.

-

When they finally got to the mall, Dan knew what store he wanted to go into, but didn't want Phil going into it because he thought it would be a little bit weird.

Even though it was counted as a lingerie store, there was some things that he really liked to get in there, they had some jumpers  that he had really wanted for a long time. He really liked this store because of the fact that they were pretty cheap for what you get.

But he didn't want Phil going in there with him, he knew that it would look weird or like they were together. At this point, he really didn't want that, even though he's pretty sure that he's pretty much showed his feelings off the night before.

"Okay! We're here, what store do you want to go into first?" Phil smiled at Dan, to that Dan blushed because he really didn't want to tell Phil if he had been near the store he probably walked away in disgust. This wasn't his normal routine, his mom would just give him money every year or so and he would go out and do his own shopping. By himself.

"do you want me just to give you some of the money and you go by yourself? You seem like you don't want me to go, is that correct?" Phil asked Dan, worried that he did something wrong, but he didn't know what it was.

"Please" he sighed, "I don't like having people stare at me whilst I shop, mainly the people that I'm getting money from." 

Phil smiled at Dan and handed him some of the money he had. He knew what he was talking about. "Okay, I'll be somewhere over here, so just come and find me when you're finished." he motioned over to one of the stores that Dan had never been in, and from the looks of it, the store was more than likely a clothing store as well.

When Dan first went into the store that he was going into, he was greeted by a lady. The first thing he went to was the jumpers, they always had nice soft pastel jumpers that he liked to sleep in. They ranged from £20-£30, but he wasn't complaining. Some of his other stuff that he wanted was more expensive.

In the end he got two jumpers, and some panties that he liked to wear, he was a soft boy okay? He really never thought of it to be anything but innocent, and that's how he played his act outside of school. Inside of school though he would throw the first punch at someone, even though no one really knew that until they messed with him or someone that he was close with, and that normally never happened because he wasn't close with hardly any people.

He went to find Phil at whatever store he said he was going to be in, when he found him, he was standing, obviously waiting for Dan but he wouldn't tell him that. He just wanted him to take his time, and that's what he did, and he's happy that he did but he gets a little impatient sometimes. 

"Hey Dan! Did you find everything that you wanted?" He asked, happy to see Dan's face once more. "Yeah, can we leave now please I'm getting weird looks by everyone around." Dan looked slightly scared, but they got out of there as quick as they could manage. Two unfit teenagers walking fast out of a store wasn't sketchy to anyone at all.

-

When they got back to Phil's house, Dan decided to try what he got on. In total, he got two jumpers, a pair of panties and a pair of thigh highs that matched the panties. 

One of the jumpers was a really light baby blue colour, that was one of his favourites. While the other one was a pastel pink colour, the shade of blush dusted on someones cheeks. 

The thigh highs were a light pink with lace the same colour on them. The panties were pink on the bottom to match the thigh highs and black on the top, covered in lace. [[visual](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/615rHrkxS6L._UX562_.jpg)]

The panties and thigh highs fit perfectly around his body, tight but not too tight, they showed off the curve in his thighs and ass as well. He put one of the jumper on, long enough to hide the panties entirely and yelled for Phil to come in and see how everything looks on him.


	8. e i g h t

Phil heard Dan calling for him, instantly getting up to go see how everything looked on him. Phil really didn't know what he had bought, just knew that he had bought some pastel jumpers and stuff that he knew would look cute on him.

When he got upstairs to see Dan, he was greeted with something that he wasn't expecting to see. Dan in pink thigh highs and panties, with black lace on them. Suddenly everything was too much for him.

He ran back downstairs, he didn't want to say that Dan couldn't be comfortable around him, and he knew that would have a negative impact on the younger boy, but it really wasn't helping with his crush on him.

He knew that something had to be done. He really wants to be with Dan, but he doesn't want to fuck with their friendship. He knows that if something were to happen in the relationship that he would be the one to fuck everything up.

Dan was just being innocent, and cute. Way too cute, but Phil just didn't know how to handle it. About five minutes went by and he heard the door opening, it being his mother.

"What's wrong Phil," She asked, worriedly. "and where's Dan?"

"I'm scared, mum," he said anxiety taking over, "I don't want to get with him and something happen. That would be my universe gone and I don't know if i would be able to handle something like that happening."

Phil was full on sobbing at that point. He knew his mother would understand his situation. She was always there for him when something wasn't working out the way that he wanted to.

Like about a year ago, when he was with this girl. He knew that things weren't working out, she dropped several hints that she was cheating on him, and announced she was pregnant, when they hadn't even had sex. She told him that it would be for the best that he left her ass because there wouldn't be anything good that came from it.

She admitted to cheating on him after he broke up with her. It hurt, but it didn't hurt as much since he had talked with his mom about it.

"Baby, is this something that you really want?" She frowned.

"Yeah, but I don't know how to tell him and what if he doesn't have the same feelings for me?" Phil said, still crying heavily. He just wanted to be with the boy, and the younger one be happy. He wanted to be happy with Dan, he knew that he would be. He had been the one making Phil happy since they met at school.

Phil's mom took him in her arms, she just wanted to be able to comfort him, be there for any problem that he had. She knew that she wouldn't be able to help with everything that goes wrong, but relationships were something that she knew more about.

"Go talk to him, Phil. I know you want to, and I think that would be for the best. You'll know if he has the same feelings for you." She said, smiling at him.

He nodded, "Okay, I will. Thanks" He smiled at her, he knew that this was something that was going to have to be done sooner or later. And while he's already on it, it should just be done sooner.

He got a glass of water, drinking it on the way up stairs. When he got to his room, he found that Dan had changed back into normal clothes, quietly sobbing. 

"Hey, Dan?" Phil said, quietly moving over to his bed. "Are you okay?"

"Phil, I'm sorry. I wish I would've told you about that before I put it on, in case you were uncomfortable with it." He said, gasping for air after every word. "I know I fucked up, just tell me that already." 

"Dan, it's not that. I was totally comfortable with you wearing it around me." Phil sighed, "It was just a little much at once, you looked really cute in it though." 

"What was it then? Why did you run away instead of trying to sit down and tell me about it?" 

"I love you, I just didn't want anything to happen with that. I know that you felt very comfortable in it, and quite cute too. But just understand that it was a little much at once was all, and I would like seeing it again sometime when I'm better prepared for it." Phil rushed out, crying a little. It was hard to admit, but in the few weeks that he had known the boy, he got really attached to the younger one.

He loved being able to get up, fix food and cuddle with him through the mornings. Nothing other than that, but he wanted it to be more romantic, not just platonic. He knew that Dan might have a problem with that though, and he hates to think that.

"Phillllll, you're so blind," Dan stares at him, "I love you too, I've been dropping hints since I met you. I just couldn't say anything about it because I am too shy.. I wanted to try and get better for you. That's what I'm doing because you make me happy, and I want to be able to make you happy too." Phil smiled at that statement.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I am currently getting over heartbreak. I started writing this fic when I was down, I continue to do so. I try not to put my emotions into writing, as it could be a complete mess. But this one I wanted to be able to, and I will continue to do so. It has been a very rough month, and I hope you all understand.  
> /////  
> Tumblr: @phanfictrashalex


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